I think it is safe to say that the word “overwhelmed” describes your emotional world right now.
I think it is safe to say that you are trying too hard to understand and see what each path and choice will lead to in the future.
I hate to be the one to tell you, that no path, or outcome is guaranteed… and the only constant in life is change, and transformation. No amount of anxiety or attempted control can make things any other way.
I was a very high strung person. My control issues were a result of my fear that a crippling anxiety attack would eventually overtake me. After a lot of hard lessons, meditation, and finding a quiet space to house my worrying heart… I have learned now, to come back to this space of surrender.
I experienced so many situations in which I was shown that no amount of worry or struggle could ultimately control the future.
We hold the keys to our own happiness. Those keys do not come in the form of a map which perfectly orchestrates, and coordinates our lives, to manifest as the ideas and images we put there. So our only option is to surrender to what life brings us and to take each knock as a lesson, each triumph as a blessing, and each love as an experience of divinity.
The only control we have over our lives, is in each present moment… there we have the ability to make choices that will lead to more love and happiness for ourselves and for those around us. To put more good into the world by being aware of the time, space, and opportunity we have right then and there.
Don’t dim your light to fit in.
Don’t ever make yourself small.
Not for anyone.
Trust that when you have to let something go for one of these mentioned reasons, that something so much better is waiting for you.
Fulfillment begins when you stand in that power.