“I wish I had your positivity.”
This is a phrase I hear frequently… but positivity is not simply an inherited trait, it is learned and it is practiced. Continue reading
“I wish I had your positivity.”
This is a phrase I hear frequently… but positivity is not simply an inherited trait, it is learned and it is practiced. Continue reading
Yoga helps me to connect with my inner being.
That authentic self that is buried beneath the layers of fear, self esteem issues and conditioning.
My best self.
1- I connect…
There is a great source of power that is at the core of our souls. Some call this simply Source, God, Creator, or Universe. When we go within to connect to this Source or our creator, we can find peace. Connecting to this power and finding peace, takes practice; our minds race, we judge our thoughts and we feel unsure of what we may actually be connecting to. Continue reading
Self love is one of the most basic and fundamental requirements on a journey to health, wholeness and vitality. When we disembody and detach from the parts of us that are dark or in need of work, we disembody our shadow side. This is not to say that everyone has an evil “twin” or multiple personalities… This is just a reference to the pieces of our personality that are in need of light and improvement.
Have you ever had the opportunity to read up on the concept of psychological projection? This is something many people believe is a part of daily life and one of our most basic defense mechanisms. It is believed that as humans, we see in others the qualities we deny most in ourselves. By displacing our own darkness, or traits in need of improvement, this appears as an external threat. After years of study and personal experience, I believe this “external threat” appears in our relationships with people, animals, and even spirits. I believe when we feel psychically, spiritually, mentally, or physically attacked, this is our shadow side manifesting itself in our external world. I also believe when this happens, the more energy or conflict associated with this particular threat, is a signal as to how much this INTERNAL conflict is in need of love and attention.
So what do we do??
Well first, we recognize it, and then we inhale LOVE.
When we are able to accept that the supposed external threat is actually an internal threat, the denial of these specific qualities is eliminated and we are able to begin the process of taking responsibility for our own actions and delusions. We are drawing awareness to the intricate parts of our personality, and awareness is the first step. We then give ourselves a big hug and we interject understanding, patience and forgiveness into our thoughts and feelings of self. Unconditional love for self and others is the ultimate goal and ultimately, this begins with patience.
There is always room for improvement.
No matter my beliefs or the years of study and work on self, the external threats continue to come and in different forms. At some points manifesting in the physical as arguments and physical confrontations and in the metaphysical as spiritual hauntings, psychic attack, and disembodied spirits. These manifestations, in my opinion, appear to us in the form that will awaken us; show us what is and is not wanted in our present lives so that we can CHOOSE something different. When we project our darkness out into the world, we are then shown that darkness without fail. The negativity and ugliness you are shown is without doubt, the negativity and ugliness you project.
Now is not the time for judgement, but the time for evaluation of self. If we can look at the trials and tribulations we have in our own lives and accept them as we have chosen them, we can then CHOOSE something new. The beauty of life and human nature is that we are evolutionary creations, and are creators ourselves. If we choose to create and be creations of beauty, light and love, then that WILL be our experience.
Our true nature is light and love, so project only love, because that is what you are.
I don’t believe in cheat meals.
I believe in subtle, permanent, lifestyle changes.
I treat my diet and food habits as a drug user would treat their recovery. I cut ingredients and foods from my life, slowly and with as much information as possible, to ween my body away from the foods it was addicted to.
Yes I said addicted. I believe food is as addictive as any drugs, we use it to cope, to heal, to mourn, to celebrate, etc… There is an emotional tie to the foods we eat, and I think there are many food companies out there that know this and pray on us weak eaters. To me a cheat meal system doesn’t motivate me to be good all week. I eat well and then it feels like falling off of the wagon, the sugar and chemical cravings have finally subsided and then I put them back into my body once a week. It also feels like I am going to have to spend 2 hours at the gym everyday for the rest of my life, on a system like that… And I don’t want that for my life.
This is the cycle I believe in, and I like to imagine it 3 dimensional, as if it’s a spiral elevating as it circles upward. The more positive we think, the better we eat, the better we treat our bodies, the more we feel good and it keeps getting better and better. I believe in elevating our bodies, minds and spirits, continually growing and becoming better. Not being hard on ourselves, but allowing our habits and daily rituals to change, evolve, grow… My version of healthy eating and living was much different 5 years ago than it is today, and since a year ago, it has even changed. I’m not being hard on my image, I just continue to educate myself on healthy living and allow my body to evolve to a healthier being each day. I don’t miss the foods I used to eat, I know now how much better I feel everyday and I truly have no desire to eat the things I have cut from my life. I eat what I want, without calorie or carb restrictions, I simply educated myself on what my body needs to feel satisfied and nourished, and I KNOW without a doubt I do not need or want to eat chemicals and processed foods. This took time and lots of education, but now, it’s just eating for me… It’s not a chore or a guilty desire, it’s simply who I am and how I choose to eat. My body size, weight and shape remains whether I am working out everyday or not and every morning when I get dressed, I don’t look in the mirror and think negative things about myself because I know I am trying hard everyday. There is no more guilt attached to the eating patterns I had all week, or even the day before. The guilt is where the problem lies, it’s far more detrimental than anything you could pollute your body with. Removing the foods you know are not good for your body, will remove the guilt cycles and elevate your being to a better place. This takes time and knowledge, but you can’t be hard on yourself if you are doing the best you can with the knowledge you have.
Happy healthy living.
As we approach a new moon on Tuesday, let us be reminded that just as the waxing and waning of the moon symbolizes transformation, flow and rebirth; we too can transform, flow and be reborn.
A new moon is always a cleansing energy.
Like an energetic bath.
The moon illuminates to us in cycles, waning until it disappears from sight and waxing until it is full again, and then waning until it disappears and waxing until it is full again. On the eve of the full moon we experience complete darkness. We go into the night blindly but with faith that the moon will rise again the next night in its entirety. Just as it wanes and retreats from visibility, we too wane, and as it grows, we grow. This cycle for us, can be each month, each year, each lifetime. Remember that we will never fully disappear and that no matter what happens to us, we will remain whole, because our wholeness lies within.
This is an auspicious time for a full moon, it is spring time, which is also symbolic of cleansing. March is such a time of change and sometimes instability. The seasons are merging together, and we are surrending to the rain as it brings the sun for summer. The ebb and flow of life, Mother Earth, and of love is present in everything around us. As we let go and embrace this season of change, our hearts can be softened to our own ebb and flow, which we call life. Everything has its seasons, and in knowing this, we are able to recognize the struggles and trials we face in our life can be, but, for a season. We rise with this full moon in our wholeness to be cleansed of worries, hardships, and battles.
This message is to all of my friends out there, in tough situations, unhealthy relationships, battling illnesses, and those who are just trying to better their lives and circumstances. Let this new moon bring the change and energy you need to surrender to the hardships in your life, so that you can be reborn full with each passing day, month, moon, and year.
Love and blessings beautiful beings.
Its something I was basically born with.. From a young age I’ve had a hard time letting go; of my toys, clothes, food, saying goodbye to people, hobbies and so on. My lack of ability to trust in life and others perpetuated this survival type attitude. Although I have the ability to easily emotionally disconnect, my reasoning mind can justify holding on.
We call this our head and heart.
My heart always knows when it’s time to let go but my ego and brain worry and find excuses to hold on a bit longer.
What I didn’t realize for so long is that this process of holding on seeds a belief that there may not be enough one day, which is rooted in the belief that there is such a thing as lack. This automatic and implied lack, obstructs the flow of abundance by creating a belief that whatever we require may not be available to us.
Detaching from an outcome, or letting go, allows us to receive abundance because we believe in it. Allowing the stream of complete well being and wholeness is done by believing you are whole and well. Having enough love, friends, food, work, sleep, or money is dependent on your belief that you have enough.
And that is true survival mode… Letting go and trusting in the abundant universe to help you meet your needs.
If 2015 taught me one thing, it would be that as Americans, we don’t spend enough time living.
Throughout the year, I spent most of my time away from Idaho, out of the country. The people I met were 20-26 typically, just slightly younger than I am; that’s not to say there werent a few much older travelers and some thirties… The early twenty somethings just overpopulated the numbers. At one point in Whistler, B.C. I was sitting at a kitchen table in a hostel with one Irishman, an Englishman, two Aussies, two Canadians and a German. We were chatting about our countries politics, health care and other cultural diffferences. What I noticed throughout my interactions at this very table, and equally in every trip I had made during the year, was that there weren’t very many travelling Americans. The few I did meet and interact with were older, much older.
We are taught, at least in Idaho, to work hard at an early age. ‘Work to live and work to make it’ is how a lot of families operate in a farming community. We are taught responsibilty, to pay our debts, and to settle down after you finish school. As I ponder about why we are taught to settle so quickly and prepare for the future, depression era conditioning comes to mind. A lot of our parents and grandparents still act as if their money is not safe in banks… And maybe its not. But preparation, planning and worrying can only get you so far. Living your entire life planning for the future is not living. You really never know how long you will be on this earth and to not enjoy it today for the worry of tomorrow, is CRAZY!
I am a business owner, I have a savings account, a car loan, a cell phone and comfortable home. I have responsibilities and commitments, I don’t say “live in the moment” as a frivilous, immature hippie living in a van. (Although that would be awesome). I say it from a place of having worked hard to achieve that American Dream, and after achieving it, realized it wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
I went to beauty school immediately after highschool and was licensed a year to date after starting. I was disciplined and anxious to get out of school and get to work. During Cosmetology school I taught dance three mornings a week, beginning at 6am. I went to school full time and worked nearly 30 hours a week at a beauty supply store. I left my home each morning between 5:30 and 7:30am and returned after 10pm every day for 13 months.
Girls in school with me would ask me how I could be in school 40 hours a week and still afford my latte every morning, a gym membership and shopping trips.
“That’s how?”, I would reply with a confused tone. I am sure the questioning person didn’t expect such a sharp answer… but genuinely, I did not understand the question. I worked, all of the time.
This work aholic lifestyle began in 2007 and went steady until 2014. At some point near the beginning of the year, I slowed down long enough to ask myself what I was doing all of this for?
At just 25 years old, I supported myself financially with a cushy lifestyle made by a booming clientele and our new business establishment. I worked constantly, either with clients or doing bookwork, scheduling or marketing. I had achieved every goal I had set out for.
I began to complain about the problems I had always dreamed of having… “My phone never stops ringing.”, “I can’t take a vacation in 8 weeks because I have too much on my books to make adjustments.”, “I’m too busy, no you can’t get in this week?!” And it went on and on. I was unhappy with my job, but it was everything I thought I had wanted?!
I realized I was burnt out and anxious about my future. I felt accomplished, but was this the life I really wanted?? I guess I thought I would be closer to 40 before I felt this way… Though I have heard of a quarter-life-crisis, which I was possibly experiencing… I could not imagine myself doing exactly what I was doing for 40 more years.
I had married myself to my career and I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. My life was a testament that hard work and dedication can get you anywhere in life, but there needs to be a healthy balance. My life outside of the salon was a bit lonely. I had isolated myself in the evenings just to decompress after such a long day of giving myself and my energy to others. I realized that this way of living gave me satisfaction in monetary ways but I knew that would not last forever. One day I would most likely want a real marriage and a real life outside of work. I struggled with what to do, thinking that adding a few curves in my career direction may bring the change I was craving; it didn’t.
In January 2015 I planned two trips basically back to back. My dad had given each of his kids and grandkids a cruise ticket for Christmas. We went in February and while planning that trip I was making arrangements and preparing for a trip to Nicaragua for a yoga retreat with my ex roomie. I was nervous about finances, with taking so much time off and spending the money to go. I had never been so frivilous with my earnings; always investing back into my company to keep it growing. My mom encouraged me to go, often saying to me, “What’s the point in all of your hardwork if you are not going to play?”.
At some point after my first trip of the year, I said to my mom and sister, “I am just going to work for 4 weeks and be gone for 2, for the rest of the year.”
I kept close to my word, traveling to Vegas after Nicaragua, then England, a roadtrip up the westcoast to Vancouver, B.C., a trip back to VanCity for Halloweenie and then snowboarding in Whistler, B.C. after Thanksgiving.
I had played during 2015 as much as I had worked. It was an excellent year. My life in Idaho was work and home yoga practice. When I was away I was gaining perspective and knowledge and growing in ways I didn’t know I could. On December 4th near the end of what would be my last trip of the year to Canada, I broke my wrist. It put me at home, without work, yoga or travel. I had a very hard time with this, as it felt like I was being punished. I was out of work for 6 weeks in total and no plans were made for my next escape. During my down time I concluded that a life of work or airplanes and airports wouldn’t make me happy forever either. All of this running around throughout the year was an incredible adventure but is definitely not going to be something that will bring me joy forever. Its a fast paced lifestyle and not the best way to travel and experience new places, though I am glad for the experiences I did have.
I believe there is a possibility of work, traveling, and joy melding together in a harmonious balance suitable for everyday life and an extrordinary one at that.
This is what I seek.
Balance is what I am looking for.
Truly living and loving life each and every day.
Letting go of my attachment to an outcome or expectation.
Living one day at a time & walking tall with one foot in front of the other.
“We must be very careful that the pivotal position we occupy does not itself become the principal barrier to such evolutionary growth.”
-The Secret Language of Birthdays a Book by Gary Goldschneider.
Every day this means something different to me. When I feel trapped in a corner there is a way out. Every hardship in life comes at the expense of our emotional or logical self being tested. The test keeps us growing, learning, and most of all it keeps us humbled. People like you and like I walk this path from day to day to improve our spirits. To fill ourselves and others with love, truth and understanding. The point for all if this is growth. Evolution.
This subject… ME/My Journey to Self Discovery- has proven difficult to publish.
Its been approximately 5 years ago today and as I recant where I am and what I am doing, it’s hard to believe.
This subject was revisited recently when in the Seattle airport last weekend. I had just landed back in the U.S. from Vancouver B.C. Canada and decided to see what Facebook had to offer. The first thing on my feed was a video from Tedx Talks titled “The Person You Really Need To Marry” by Tracy McMillan. This woman speaks of accepting and fully loving yourself as you are. For exactly where you have been and where you might be going. Over the past week since watching this video, many other quotes, videos, memes showed up in my life causing me to take moments to be reminded of where I was, where I am going and who I am today. I was reminded to love myself unconditionally so that I could truly love another without limitation or condition.
It’s been a tough few years…
But I am more grateful and full of love now, than I ever was. When life throws me uncertainty and chaos, I throw gratitude back at it. Like I am saying “Hey! I have done it once, I can do it again! I am happy to be learning and growing!” These gracious feelings can be short-lived as I would be lying if I said its all been unicorns and rainbows! I lose my temper at times, and I get emotional and I put up walls. I am no where near perfect… The moments of clarity come when you see that love and a full heart can get you where you want to be.
We are reminded not to sweat the small stuff.. and its all small stuff.
Basically, when life gives me its best kick in the ass; I say “Thank you sir, can I have another?” Sometimes I wish I could just chill out and let my life be simple, but the more I seek simplicity the more complicated my situations become. Why do I do this, you ask?
My mom says I am stubborn.
I hope to document the trials that come from the awkward encounters and my stubborness to settle. May my unrest and constant eccentric chaos bring you joy, entertainment and advice.