“I wish I had your positivity.”
This is a phrase I hear frequently… but positivity is not simply an inherited trait, it is learned and it is practiced. Continue reading
A Course in Miracles states, Discomfort is arroused only to bring the need for correction into awareness.
Correct minded thinking or correction comes from a source of pure love and light. It comes from our very core at which our highest vibrational being exists. We have been generationally, environmentally, and universally conditioned to believe things which teach against this inner vibration, some refer to this opposition as the ego.
When we allow ourselves to be conditioned by the ego we become sick minded and our bodies may begin to manifest physical mind and body sickness.
To think and see from this high vibrational source is to become right-minded. The Course refers to this process of right-minded thinking and seeing, as the process of unlearning. As we heal our minds, we return to our original and only state of being, which is perfect.
Illness, hair and skin issues, sadness, anger, body pain, heart pain… All of these discomforts we may be prone to feeling is a plea for awareness from our bodies; either the spiritual body or the physical one.
The more intune I get with my body and its true needs, the more easily I feel these pleas, drawing awareness to arising issues when they are young and gentle rather than screaming and full blown.
Something about my own nature I have accepted, is that I am always searching to be ultimately comfortable. Eccentrically trying out lifestyles, diets, looks and work choices, but never really settling… What I have realized over many years of doing this, was that I was just searching to display my authentic self; the person I felt I was on the inside. A deep desire burns within me to reflect my inner self as truly as possible, and that my inner being be as divine and beautiful as possible.
So I escaped from darkness…
Or began to.
Searching for the divine light within me and always striving to be better, smarter, faster, thinner, prettier, more loving, these desires didn’t make me broken or lost. They helped me escape the darkness and ugliness by forcing me to take a good hard look at what in my life was making me uncomfortable and why. When done in a positive way with love and light as the basis of your intentions, this search can put you on the path to unlearn the things which you have learned that cause you pain and discomfort.
The only way out of darkness is through it.
I needed to see the darkness and ugliness that I had been projecting onto the world. And trust me, asking to see and express your true self, all of your darkness and ugliness included, can be a bit scary.
Once you begin this journey through everything that makes you feel pain, you will see that it was never really hiding; because darkness cannot truly hide. As you choose to heal everything that hurts and feels empty, you will recognize that there is nothing you want to hide even if you could.
The fear will leave you as you unlearn ugliness and learn and accept perfect love.
Because that is what you are.
A perfect creation of love.
Its something I was basically born with.. From a young age I’ve had a hard time letting go; of my toys, clothes, food, saying goodbye to people, hobbies and so on. My lack of ability to trust in life and others perpetuated this survival type attitude. Although I have the ability to easily emotionally disconnect, my reasoning mind can justify holding on.
We call this our head and heart.
My heart always knows when it’s time to let go but my ego and brain worry and find excuses to hold on a bit longer.
What I didn’t realize for so long is that this process of holding on seeds a belief that there may not be enough one day, which is rooted in the belief that there is such a thing as lack. This automatic and implied lack, obstructs the flow of abundance by creating a belief that whatever we require may not be available to us.
Detaching from an outcome, or letting go, allows us to receive abundance because we believe in it. Allowing the stream of complete well being and wholeness is done by believing you are whole and well. Having enough love, friends, food, work, sleep, or money is dependent on your belief that you have enough.
And that is true survival mode… Letting go and trusting in the abundant universe to help you meet your needs.
If 2015 taught me one thing, it would be that as Americans, we don’t spend enough time living.
Throughout the year, I spent most of my time away from Idaho, out of the country. The people I met were 20-26 typically, just slightly younger than I am; that’s not to say there werent a few much older travelers and some thirties… The early twenty somethings just overpopulated the numbers. At one point in Whistler, B.C. I was sitting at a kitchen table in a hostel with one Irishman, an Englishman, two Aussies, two Canadians and a German. We were chatting about our countries politics, health care and other cultural diffferences. What I noticed throughout my interactions at this very table, and equally in every trip I had made during the year, was that there weren’t very many travelling Americans. The few I did meet and interact with were older, much older.
We are taught, at least in Idaho, to work hard at an early age. ‘Work to live and work to make it’ is how a lot of families operate in a farming community. We are taught responsibilty, to pay our debts, and to settle down after you finish school. As I ponder about why we are taught to settle so quickly and prepare for the future, depression era conditioning comes to mind. A lot of our parents and grandparents still act as if their money is not safe in banks… And maybe its not. But preparation, planning and worrying can only get you so far. Living your entire life planning for the future is not living. You really never know how long you will be on this earth and to not enjoy it today for the worry of tomorrow, is CRAZY!
I am a business owner, I have a savings account, a car loan, a cell phone and comfortable home. I have responsibilities and commitments, I don’t say “live in the moment” as a frivilous, immature hippie living in a van. (Although that would be awesome). I say it from a place of having worked hard to achieve that American Dream, and after achieving it, realized it wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.
I went to beauty school immediately after highschool and was licensed a year to date after starting. I was disciplined and anxious to get out of school and get to work. During Cosmetology school I taught dance three mornings a week, beginning at 6am. I went to school full time and worked nearly 30 hours a week at a beauty supply store. I left my home each morning between 5:30 and 7:30am and returned after 10pm every day for 13 months.
Girls in school with me would ask me how I could be in school 40 hours a week and still afford my latte every morning, a gym membership and shopping trips.
“That’s how?”, I would reply with a confused tone. I am sure the questioning person didn’t expect such a sharp answer… but genuinely, I did not understand the question. I worked, all of the time.
This work aholic lifestyle began in 2007 and went steady until 2014. At some point near the beginning of the year, I slowed down long enough to ask myself what I was doing all of this for?
At just 25 years old, I supported myself financially with a cushy lifestyle made by a booming clientele and our new business establishment. I worked constantly, either with clients or doing bookwork, scheduling or marketing. I had achieved every goal I had set out for.
I began to complain about the problems I had always dreamed of having… “My phone never stops ringing.”, “I can’t take a vacation in 8 weeks because I have too much on my books to make adjustments.”, “I’m too busy, no you can’t get in this week?!” And it went on and on. I was unhappy with my job, but it was everything I thought I had wanted?!
I realized I was burnt out and anxious about my future. I felt accomplished, but was this the life I really wanted?? I guess I thought I would be closer to 40 before I felt this way… Though I have heard of a quarter-life-crisis, which I was possibly experiencing… I could not imagine myself doing exactly what I was doing for 40 more years.
I had married myself to my career and I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. My life was a testament that hard work and dedication can get you anywhere in life, but there needs to be a healthy balance. My life outside of the salon was a bit lonely. I had isolated myself in the evenings just to decompress after such a long day of giving myself and my energy to others. I realized that this way of living gave me satisfaction in monetary ways but I knew that would not last forever. One day I would most likely want a real marriage and a real life outside of work. I struggled with what to do, thinking that adding a few curves in my career direction may bring the change I was craving; it didn’t.
In January 2015 I planned two trips basically back to back. My dad had given each of his kids and grandkids a cruise ticket for Christmas. We went in February and while planning that trip I was making arrangements and preparing for a trip to Nicaragua for a yoga retreat with my ex roomie. I was nervous about finances, with taking so much time off and spending the money to go. I had never been so frivilous with my earnings; always investing back into my company to keep it growing. My mom encouraged me to go, often saying to me, “What’s the point in all of your hardwork if you are not going to play?”.
At some point after my first trip of the year, I said to my mom and sister, “I am just going to work for 4 weeks and be gone for 2, for the rest of the year.”
I kept close to my word, traveling to Vegas after Nicaragua, then England, a roadtrip up the westcoast to Vancouver, B.C., a trip back to VanCity for Halloweenie and then snowboarding in Whistler, B.C. after Thanksgiving.
I had played during 2015 as much as I had worked. It was an excellent year. My life in Idaho was work and home yoga practice. When I was away I was gaining perspective and knowledge and growing in ways I didn’t know I could. On December 4th near the end of what would be my last trip of the year to Canada, I broke my wrist. It put me at home, without work, yoga or travel. I had a very hard time with this, as it felt like I was being punished. I was out of work for 6 weeks in total and no plans were made for my next escape. During my down time I concluded that a life of work or airplanes and airports wouldn’t make me happy forever either. All of this running around throughout the year was an incredible adventure but is definitely not going to be something that will bring me joy forever. Its a fast paced lifestyle and not the best way to travel and experience new places, though I am glad for the experiences I did have.
I believe there is a possibility of work, traveling, and joy melding together in a harmonious balance suitable for everyday life and an extrordinary one at that.
This is what I seek.
Balance is what I am looking for.
Truly living and loving life each and every day.
Letting go of my attachment to an outcome or expectation.
Living one day at a time & walking tall with one foot in front of the other.
“We must be very careful that the pivotal position we occupy does not itself become the principal barrier to such evolutionary growth.”
-The Secret Language of Birthdays a Book by Gary Goldschneider.
Every day this means something different to me. When I feel trapped in a corner there is a way out. Every hardship in life comes at the expense of our emotional or logical self being tested. The test keeps us growing, learning, and most of all it keeps us humbled. People like you and like I walk this path from day to day to improve our spirits. To fill ourselves and others with love, truth and understanding. The point for all if this is growth. Evolution.
I had an experience the other day that caused question to my live’s work and career. I have always dreamt of leaving a legacy of artistic expression and passion… Providing that in services to clients is how I always knew I would bless the world, but what I secretly dreamed of was passing it along; through education. I was always sure I couldn’t teach at a school because I wanted the persons being educated to receive a valuable and lasting experience.
Throughout the one year’s time it takes to get through cosmetology school, a lot of information is fed to you. You are taking in anatomy, emotional social work, geometry and all the while trying to maintatin Zen relations with your peers. Teaching in that setting seems hectic and controlled.
Something you will learn about me, I DON’T like rules.
Probably because I typically DO follow them… I like learning what I want to learn and doing things in the way that feels most right and authentic to me.
Learn all of the rules so that you can pick your favorites.
As a cosmetologist considering teaching other cosmetologists, I have been through the process… 9 years of it. I remember the school shenanigans, that one lady crying in the other girls chair, the bad cuts, the crazy clients, but most of all I rememeber why I started. For the passion and the art. I still feel excited when I pick up a little trick of the trade or have a new client squeals with excitement when I hand them the mirror.
I remember 🙂
The time I remember needing help the most were the following few years after beauty school. That point you reach when you have graduated, found a job, begun working in a salon, and bam… what now? Those were the points in my career I learned the most. I had the time open on my schedule, as my clientele was still growing, and I still had that craving for knowledge. I knew nothing!!
I have a vivid memory of standing in the dispensary of my first salon job gathering supplies for my appointment; a walk in perm. I stood facing my cupboard, staring at the boxes of perm solution… “OMG What solution do I use?! What color rod?! What order do these go in?!”
Anyone licensed is laughing right now because the irony is, we have all wrapped over 80 perms by this point. I knew what I was doing, but I was not feeling secure in my knowledge or in myself!
The owner of the salon was also in the back and could see that I was sweating, he asked if I needed any help. I blurted the ridiculous things going through my head, and he calmly said; “Ok. How resistant does her hair seem? Is it colored? What do you think you should use?”
I anwered to which he replied, “See? You do know what you’re doing.”
I was validated in his 30 seconds of questions. It felt nice. At that time in my fragile, building stages, I needed that support to feel strong and secure. I needed an experienced professional to tell me that I was doing good, not tell me what to do. He was my sounding board; I had a damn good hairstylist to bounce my creative and quirky ideas off of.
The most common complaint I hear in the beauty industry from graduated cosmetologist… In schools we are not taught to come to our own conclusions, we are taught to memorize and follow suit. Our instructors mixed our color formulas, grabbed our perm solutions, told us what steps to take…
See my issue with rules?
In their defense, it is such a small window of time to cram in all of the knowledge needed to pass boards. So we memorize and memorize… Which pushes us to experiment in the ladder years… At that point in my career, I needed my boss to bounce my experiments off of verbally, before trying them physically.
We chatted about A-lines, texturized cutting, color, lightening, decolorizing, toning, and styling products. He gave me his experienced opinion and I gave him my quirky concocted day dreams. He met me in the middle by validating my thought process but steered them to a more chemically or practically accurate concept.
I admire him.
I always hoped I would lead a salon team with that concept behind building stylists. What I did not fully know about myself is that I set very high expectations for others; because I set high expectations for myself.
Owning a salon and trying to teach motivation was not something I had in me. OBVIOUSLY… Cause it didn’t work like I had hoped. You can’t teach someone to be passionate, but you can teach them how to turn their passions into a concept and manifest it.
That is what I want to do.
I dream of leaving a legacy of passion to the other individuals in this industry just trying to make it. I hope to share my thoughts, experiments and creativity with others as we walk this treturous path to self discovery and fabulous hair. Cheers to all of you 😉