Diet- An Icky Word

imageI have a passion for food.

It’s something I talk about often, at work with clients and out with friends and family.
The irony in my love for food, is that I have cut so much of it from my life.

Where my 70lb transformation began…

I jumped on a food journey approximately 4 years ago; making promises to myself and my body, to do better. I didn’t jump into a tedious diet or a diet of any kind really… I had failed at that too many times to count previous to this particular day. The thing that changed in my mind, the click, it happened while reading A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson. A chapter in her book was her experience with dieting and the challenges she had faced. The way I interpreted her messages in this specific chapter was simple, I needed to change my life and I needed to change my mind.

It all started slowly… left to pick up a more authentic momentum, rather than a forced one. I tried to be an observer in my own life, and began listening to the things coming from my mouth; about everything, including myself. Knowing now that negativity would only bring more negativity. Saying terrible things about my body would cause my body to be terrible. I was reading about the Law Of Attraction and love, and it was telling me to attract the life and body I wanted and to love myself and others.

With this new routine, I heard my mouth say awful things about my body, habits, and mind. I would NEVER have said these things to another person, so why was I saying it to myself? I was judging me, and harshly! Instead of scolding my ego for the poor word choice in regard to my physique, I began stopping and correcting myself. This thought, “Whoa, these pants are getting tight! Your booty must be getting bigger! NOOOooooo…. why did I have to eat…….” was cut short, and stopped mid sentence. Rather than finishing my guilty rant, I decided to recognize it. With time came the practice of correcting it, this does take practice. As humans we have been conditioned not to say nice things about ourselves.

Why is that?

I have learned with this ideology, that when in fact, I tell my body it is healthy, strong and happy, I will then make better choices with what I put into my body. The cycle I begin is one that starts with positivity. What I was previously experiencing was guilt cycles which were far more detrimental than ANYTHING I could possibly pollute my body with.

A guilt cycle looks something like this…
Looks in mirror sees dimply bum or tight pants and then makes goal to go on diet. Immediately following, walks into kitchen and eats (insert naughty food).
Feels remorse for poor choice, claims to start said diet Monday.
Proceeds to eat whatever until Monday.
Monday comes co-worker brings donuts.
Eats donut.
Feels remorse for eating donut, claims to start diet the following day.

Did you see what I did there?

This vague “diet” thing and the guilt cycle that comes with it, is something that keeps coming full circle. Sure there are times you have a plan, and a book, and a diet buddy. BUT the one thing that never changes with a diet, is the NEGATIVITY. We are setting ourselves up with expectations and expectations are the root of all disappointment.

Diet as a verb begins by definition with the word, RESTRICT. When I hear this word, what comes to MY mind is uncomfortable. Words carry their own negative juju, catapulting emotional negativity and body image issues, furthering emotional negativity. See how everything is a cycle?

Here is where it all starts…
We stop using the word and the verb diet. Erase it from our minds, our day, our lives entirely. Its an icky word, we don’t accept its limited thinking as well as its negativity. If it is a healthier body and mind that we are after, we will choose words that are positive and healthy as well.

So how do words change our bodies?

As we begin telling our bodies they are healthy and beautiful, it becomes much harder to open that Twinkie wrapper and take a bite. Because it is a lie, and we cannot lie to ourselves. We know that the Twinkie is the last thing our body needs for nourishment. We also know that indulging in something that is completely lacking nutrition of any kind is an action committed from our emotional beings not our physical ones.

Who has heard of emotional eating?

Eating is an act of ingesting food to fill a hunger or void. If our bellies are not asking us for a Twinkie, then what is? Could it be our bad day or relationship frustrations asking for that Twinkie?

Overtime, I have learned that the only thing that eating heals, is an empty belly. Sure that pint of Ben & Jerry’s feels like a cure for an achy heart, but once you have finished it… Is your heart still aching? What are you filling up on? And what is your heart really asking you for?

Questions we never dare ask ourselves.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t an emotional eater, and I would REALLY be lying if I said I no longer choose to down a pint of ice cream rather than a bundle of kale… The point to this is to have awareness. To begin the process of recognizing how your thoughts and choices affect your physical body.

That is all…

No lecture here, just advocating our beings and spreading love to them in the process.

Happy eating,

Change Your Mind to Change Your Body


Course in Miracles states, that only fundamental change will last.

Fundamental- A word used as both an adjective and a noun, meaning basic and of central importance or principle.

There are many reasons that diet and weight loss programs don’t work; I believe the number one reason for a “failed” diet is intention. When we make a change in our life to lose weight, what is the underlying, or fundamental reason behind it?

Many would say for their health, or to look or feel better, but few would commit to making these changes permanent. If you cannot commit to permanent change in your life and for your body, it will not last. You will not stick to that diet plan, or if you do, you will most likely gain the weight back. If you truly want health for your body, you know that laying off the twinkles for a few weeks or “going paleo” for a month at a time is not going to wow your body with change. You are too smart to believe that shedding a few pounds before Vegas is going to quiet that nagging voice in your head.

Getting healthy is not about losing weight. Health is about finding vitality in a body you didn’t know could feel so alive. It is about self love and feeling beautiful on the inside and out. Healthy people project happiness and fluidity. They seem to float throughout their day with a smile.

THAT is what you are looking for in the weight loss section of the bookstore; but guess what, you won’t find it there.

Happiness comes from fundamental change. Finding a central importance or strong motivation for health will guarantee it.

The course says,

“A change in motivation is a change in mind, and will inevitably produce fundamental change because the mind is fundamental.”

We must change our minds to change our bodies.



Being is Never Threatened

imageA Course in Miracles states, that “judgement always involves rejection”.

When we reject our bodies by making judgements about them, they will reject us.

This results in illness, body image, weight issues, skin problems, etc… If our bodies are showing signs of discomfort, attack or discontent, that is a call from them, to us, for love. This can mean eating better, exercising or sleeping regularly, but it mainly means our bodies need care and positivity.

As we deny body identification and embrace and affirm spirit identification, we begin to reflect on the outside how we feel on the inside. If what you are reflecting to the world appears unattractive to you then it is time for you to shed illusions about yourself and embrace that you are a perfect spiritual being having a human experience. Our bodies are a reflection of our subconscious. As we free our minds and hearts of judgement about ourselves and others, we lessen the worry and fear attached to our physical bodies. This state of letting go of our attachment to an outcome or image, frees us of anxiety and worry, which allows our bodies to return to their natural state of being; which is perfect. As we present no attack on our bodies and minds, we are not attacked; because being is never threatened.

What we project to the world, we project to ourselves, and what we project to ourselves, we project to the world.

Project only love because that is what you are.



Truly Living


If 2015 taught me one thing, it would be that as Americans, we don’t spend enough time living.

Throughout the year, I spent most of my time away from Idaho, out of the country. The people I met were 20-26 typically, just slightly younger than I am; that’s not to say there werent a few much older travelers and some thirties… The early twenty somethings just overpopulated the numbers. At one point in Whistler, B.C. I was sitting at a kitchen table in a hostel with one Irishman, an Englishman, two Aussies, two Canadians and a German. We were chatting about our countries politics, health care and other cultural diffferences. What I noticed throughout my interactions at this very table, and equally in every trip I had made during the year, was that there weren’t very many travelling Americans. The few I did meet and interact with were older, much older.

We are taught, at least in Idaho, to work hard at an early age. ‘Work to live and work to make it’ is how a lot of families operate in a farming community. We are taught responsibilty, to pay our debts, and to settle down after you finish school. As I ponder about why we are taught to settle so quickly and prepare for the future, depression era conditioning comes to mind. A lot of our parents and grandparents still act as if their money is not safe in banks… And maybe its not. But preparation, planning and worrying can only get you so far. Living your entire life planning for the future is not living. You really never know how long you will be on this earth and to not enjoy it today for the worry of tomorrow, is CRAZY!

I am a business owner, I have a savings account, a car loan, a cell phone and comfortable home. I have responsibilities and commitments, I don’t say “live in the moment” as a frivilous, immature hippie living in a van. (Although that would be awesome). I say it from a place of having worked hard to achieve that American Dream, and after achieving it, realized it wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

I went to beauty school immediately after highschool and was licensed a year to date after starting. I was disciplined and anxious to get out of school and get to work. During Cosmetology school I taught dance three mornings a week, beginning at 6am. I went to school full time and worked nearly 30 hours a week at a beauty supply store. I left my home each morning between 5:30 and 7:30am and returned after 10pm every day for 13 months.

Girls in school with me would ask me how I could be in school 40 hours a week and still afford my latte every morning, a gym membership and shopping trips.


“That’s how?”, I would reply with a confused tone. I am sure the questioning person didn’t expect such a sharp answer… but genuinely, I did not understand the question. I worked, all of the time.

This work aholic lifestyle began in 2007 and went steady until 2014. At some point near the beginning of the year, I slowed down long enough to ask myself what I was doing all of this for?

At just 25 years old, I supported myself financially with a cushy lifestyle made by a booming clientele and our new business establishment. I worked constantly, either with clients or doing bookwork, scheduling or marketing. I had achieved every goal I had set out for.

I began to complain about the problems I had always dreamed of having… “My phone never stops ringing.”, “I can’t take a vacation in 8 weeks because I have too much on my books to make adjustments.”, “I’m too busy, no you can’t get in this week?!” And it went on and on. I was unhappy with my job, but it was everything I thought I had wanted?!

I realized I was burnt out and anxious about my future. I felt accomplished, but was this the life I really wanted?? I guess I thought I would be closer to 40 before I felt this way… Though I have heard of a quarter-life-crisis, which I was possibly experiencing… I could not imagine myself doing exactly what I was doing for 40 more years.

I had married myself to my career and I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted. My life was a testament that hard work and dedication can get you anywhere in life, but there needs to be a healthy balance. My life outside of the salon was a bit lonely. I had isolated myself in the evenings just to decompress after such a long day of giving myself and my energy to others. I realized that this way of living gave me satisfaction in monetary ways but I knew that would not last forever. One day I would most likely want a real marriage and a real life outside of work. I struggled with what to do, thinking that adding a few curves in my career direction may bring the change I was craving; it didn’t.

In January 2015 I planned two trips basically back to back. My dad had given each of his kids and grandkids a cruise ticket for Christmas. We went in February and while planning that trip I was making arrangements and preparing for a trip to Nicaragua for a yoga retreat with my ex roomie. I was nervous about finances, with taking so much time off and spending the money to go. I had never been so frivilous with my earnings; always investing back into my company to keep it growing. My mom encouraged me to go, often saying to me, “What’s the point in all of your hardwork if you are not going to play?”.

At some point after my first trip of the year, I said to my mom and sister, “I am just going to work for 4 weeks and be gone for 2, for the rest of the year.”

I kept close to my word, traveling to Vegas after Nicaragua, then England, a roadtrip up the westcoast to Vancouver, B.C., a trip back to VanCity for Halloweenie and then snowboarding in Whistler, B.C. after Thanksgiving.

I had played during 2015 as much as I had worked. It was an excellent year. My life in Idaho was work and home yoga practice. When I was away I was gaining perspective and knowledge and growing in ways I didn’t know I could. On December 4th near the end of what would be my last trip of the year to Canada, I broke my wrist. It put me at home, without work, yoga or travel. I had a very hard time with this, as it felt like I was being punished. I was out of work for 6 weeks in total and no plans were made for my next escape. During my down time I concluded that a life of work or airplanes and airports wouldn’t make me happy forever either. All of this running around throughout the year was an incredible adventure but is definitely not going to be something that will bring me joy forever. Its a fast paced lifestyle and not the best way to travel and experience new places, though I am glad for the experiences I did have.

I believe there is a possibility of work, traveling, and joy melding together in a harmonious balance suitable for everyday life and an extrordinary one at that.

This is what I seek.

Balance is what I am looking for.

Truly living and loving life each and every day.


Letting go of my attachment to an outcome or expectation.

Living one day at a time & walking tall with one foot in front of the other.



Evolutionary Growth


“We must be very careful that the pivotal position we occupy does not itself become the principal barrier to such evolutionary growth.”

-The Secret Language of Birthdays a Book by Gary Goldschneider.



Every day this means something different to me. When I feel trapped in a corner there is a way out. Every hardship in life comes at the expense of our emotional or logical self being tested. The test keeps us growing, learning, and most of all it keeps us humbled. People like you and like I walk this path from day to day to improve our spirits. To fill ourselves and others with love, truth and understanding. The point for all if this is growth. Evolution.



Discover Your Passion

imageI had an experience the other day that caused question to my live’s work and career. I have always dreamt of leaving a legacy of artistic expression and passion… Providing that in services to clients is how I always knew I would bless the world, but what I secretly dreamed of was passing it along; through education. I was always sure I couldn’t teach at a school because I wanted the persons being educated to receive a valuable and lasting experience.

Throughout the one year’s time it takes to get through cosmetology school, a lot of information is fed to you. You are taking in anatomy, emotional social work, geometry and all the while trying to maintatin Zen relations with your peers. Teaching in that setting seems hectic and controlled.

Something you will learn about me, I DON’T like rules.

Probably because I typically DO follow them… I like learning what I want to learn and doing things in the way that feels most right and authentic to me.

Learn all of the rules so that you can pick your favorites.

As a cosmetologist considering teaching other cosmetologists, I have been through the process… 9 years of it. I remember the school shenanigans, that one lady crying in the other girls chair, the bad cuts, the crazy clients, but most of all I rememeber why I started. For the passion and the art. I still feel excited when I pick up a little trick of the trade or have a new client squeals with excitement when I hand them the mirror.

I remember 🙂

The time I remember needing help the most were the following few years after beauty school. That point you reach when you have graduated, found a job, begun working in a salon, and bam… what now? Those were the points in my career I learned the most. I had the time open on my schedule, as my clientele was still growing, and I still had that craving for knowledge. I knew nothing!!

I have a vivid memory of standing in the dispensary of my first salon job gathering supplies for my appointment; a walk in perm. I stood facing my cupboard, staring at the boxes of perm solution… “OMG What solution do I use?! What color rod?! What order do these go in?!”

Anyone licensed is laughing right now because the irony is, we have all wrapped over 80 perms by this point. I knew what I was doing, but I was not feeling secure in my knowledge or in myself!

The owner of the salon was also in the back and could see that I was sweating, he asked if I needed any help. I blurted the ridiculous things going through my head, and he calmly said; “Ok. How resistant does her hair seem? Is it colored? What do you think you should use?”

I anwered to which he replied, “See? You do know what you’re doing.”

I was validated in his 30 seconds of questions. It felt nice. At that time in my fragile, building stages, I needed that support to feel strong and secure. I needed an experienced professional to tell me that I was doing good, not tell me what to do. He was my sounding board; I had a damn good hairstylist to bounce my creative and quirky ideas off of.

The most common complaint I hear in the beauty industry from graduated cosmetologist… In schools we are not taught to come to our own conclusions, we are taught to memorize and follow suit. Our instructors mixed our color formulas, grabbed our perm solutions, told us what steps to take…

See my issue with rules?

In their defense, it is such a small window of time to cram in all of the knowledge needed to pass boards. So we memorize and memorize… Which pushes us to experiment in the ladder years… At that point in my career, I needed my boss to bounce my experiments off of verbally, before trying them physically.

We chatted about A-lines, texturized cutting, color, lightening, decolorizing, toning, and styling products. He gave me his experienced opinion and I gave him my quirky concocted day dreams. He met me in the middle by validating my thought process but steered them to a more chemically or practically accurate concept.

I admire him.

I always hoped I would lead a salon team with that concept behind building stylists. What I did not fully know about myself is that I set very high expectations for others; because I set high expectations for myself.

Owning a salon and trying to teach motivation was not something I had in me. OBVIOUSLY… Cause it didn’t work like I had hoped. You can’t teach someone to be passionate, but you can teach them how to turn their passions into a concept and manifest it.

That is what I want to do.

I dream of leaving a legacy of passion to the other individuals in this industry just trying to make it. I hope to share my thoughts, experiments and creativity with others as we walk this treturous path to self discovery and fabulous hair. Cheers to all of you 😉



My Journey to Self Discovery

imageThis subject… ME/My Journey to Self Discovery- has proven difficult to publish.

Its been approximately 5 years ago today and as I recant where I am and what I am doing, it’s hard to believe.

This subject was revisited recently when in the Seattle airport last weekend. I had just landed back in the U.S. from Vancouver B.C. Canada and decided to see what Facebook had to offer. The first thing on my feed was a video from Tedx Talks titled “The Person You Really Need To Marry” by Tracy McMillan. This woman speaks of accepting and fully loving yourself as you are. For exactly where you have been and where you might be going. Over the past week since watching this video, many other quotes, videos, memes showed up in my life causing me to take moments to be reminded of where I was, where I am going and who I am today. I was reminded to love myself unconditionally so that I could truly love another without limitation or condition.

It’s been a tough few years…

But I am more grateful and full of love now, than I ever was. When life throws me uncertainty and chaos, I throw gratitude back at it. Like I am saying “Hey! I have done it once, I can do it again! I am happy to be learning and growing!” These gracious feelings can be short-lived as I would be lying if I said its all been unicorns and rainbows! I lose my temper at times, and I get emotional and I put up walls. I am no where near perfect… The moments of clarity come when you see that love and a full heart can get you where you want to be.

We are reminded not to sweat the small stuff.. and its all small stuff.

Basically, when life gives me its best kick in the ass; I say “Thank you sir, can I have another?” Sometimes I wish I could just chill out and let my life be simple, but the more I seek simplicity the more complicated my situations become. Why do I do this, you ask?

My mom says I am stubborn.

I hope to document the trials that come from the awkward encounters and my stubborness to settle. May my unrest and constant eccentric chaos bring you joy, entertainment and advice.

Happy sharing,